I was feeling nostalgic as I read my Salutatorian Speech today. As I was reading it, I realized how connected I was with my high school, and how well I had done for myself. Everyone was proud and it was such a good feeling to be part of that community where everyone looked up to you and thought you would be the next bright future.
I just started thinking about my brilliant teachers, and all that I had learned in those 4 years. It was just amazing...! I will never forget it. My speech really invigorated me and reminded me why we have these stages in our life...some to reflect back on, and others to look forward to! :)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Mistakes...maybe too many!
I never thought there would be a time when I would say this in my life, but I am forced at this point of my life.
I never thought I would commit mistakes, and regret them later. Actually, I just never thought I would ever be in that mindset where I would come to repent aspects of my life.
Everything had worked out for me always, but maybe the times that did work out was because I had worked hard in those times, and I deserved everything working out, or maybe the surplus of your prior good only takes you that far and it lasted me for 1.5 years after my hard working stopped.
This post stems from the past where I have committed academic and professional mistakes. Academically, I am now facing the repercussions which I never thought would happen! Honestly, I am only 20, and how could I be already facing it?
But I am. Today, my professor who I did research for e-mailed me and said that maybe I was not the best candidate to work for him. That kind of hit home. I was not angered at all, in fact, he wrote it in a very sweet manner, and what he said was that my reliability was lacking and I know it was. It was a shortcoming of mine last semester.
But instantly, I wanted to prove my competency because I know I have it. It is not like this research project is crucial, in fact it is not even related to what I want to do in life. In fact, there are no benefits from it, but the sole reason I want to do it is because I want to prove my ability and make up for my shortcomings last semester. This is not the only thing, I have made some other mistakes which involve the lack of reliability which is NOT ME!
This feeling has not happened for quite a while: doing something because I want to prove something to myself and someone else. In fact, now I don't want to be the girl who does not care and might not go to lecture, but I am the girl who goes to every lecture, tries her BEST for even the most minor things just like I used to 2 years earlier. I want to be the girl who people think is the smartest one, who has all the right answers...who knows the questions before the professor even asks them.
I always thought this perfectionism had left me, but you know what: it was simply dormant for a few years and I don't want this blog to be one of those encouraging writings where you have an epiphany.
It might seem simple, but I never admit that I make mistakes. But today, I want to admit that I made MISTAKES and I do regret them, but I will not make them any longer. Not now, not ever.
I never thought I would commit mistakes, and regret them later. Actually, I just never thought I would ever be in that mindset where I would come to repent aspects of my life.
Everything had worked out for me always, but maybe the times that did work out was because I had worked hard in those times, and I deserved everything working out, or maybe the surplus of your prior good only takes you that far and it lasted me for 1.5 years after my hard working stopped.
This post stems from the past where I have committed academic and professional mistakes. Academically, I am now facing the repercussions which I never thought would happen! Honestly, I am only 20, and how could I be already facing it?
But I am. Today, my professor who I did research for e-mailed me and said that maybe I was not the best candidate to work for him. That kind of hit home. I was not angered at all, in fact, he wrote it in a very sweet manner, and what he said was that my reliability was lacking and I know it was. It was a shortcoming of mine last semester.
But instantly, I wanted to prove my competency because I know I have it. It is not like this research project is crucial, in fact it is not even related to what I want to do in life. In fact, there are no benefits from it, but the sole reason I want to do it is because I want to prove my ability and make up for my shortcomings last semester. This is not the only thing, I have made some other mistakes which involve the lack of reliability which is NOT ME!
This feeling has not happened for quite a while: doing something because I want to prove something to myself and someone else. In fact, now I don't want to be the girl who does not care and might not go to lecture, but I am the girl who goes to every lecture, tries her BEST for even the most minor things just like I used to 2 years earlier. I want to be the girl who people think is the smartest one, who has all the right answers...who knows the questions before the professor even asks them.
I always thought this perfectionism had left me, but you know what: it was simply dormant for a few years and I don't want this blog to be one of those encouraging writings where you have an epiphany.
It might seem simple, but I never admit that I make mistakes. But today, I want to admit that I made MISTAKES and I do regret them, but I will not make them any longer. Not now, not ever.
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