My aspirations & decisions...

Today was a day of revelations...
Usually, I am a very happy person and I am right now as well as I am writing this...

This will be a bit of a contrast to my previous posts but I believe this is what my true calling is.
Personally, I am not giving up on romance or love but I am just putting it on hold till I enter the professional world. I am putting it on hold because I am clearly surrounded by immature men who don't even know the meaning of passion. It is not their fault, it is clearly not. They are just so young that they have't been exposed, but that doesn't mean I will compromise just for the sake of having something.

Also, I realized all these little romances and all...everyone else does that. Reality check, I am better than that. I am above all that. I am above the norm and the common. I have always thrived to be and will continue to be in this aspect of life too.

This is what I have always aimed to be and I don't know what happened my first year in college. I went from being a focused and ambitious girl to being like any other commoner and thinking about romance and love and what all that signifies. Sounds pretty harsh right? But it is a though process...can't help it.
I don't want to be a sweetheart or a sweet babe or a sweety or a cutie or anything along these lines. The point is I am not.

I am a focused and an ambitious woman. I know what I want from my life...I was just a bit distracted these past two semesters, but it is all coming back and I am loving it.

These are my short-term goals:

1) I want to graduate in 3 years with a Bachelors in Integrative Biology and a minor in Business Administration or possibly a major.
2) During this winter, I want to go to India and do some research regarding the AIDS awareness issue and possibly make that my research paper and experience.
3) This summer, I want to work. I want each hour of my day to be filled so that I have no room to waste time on the internet or any such.
4) This summer, I will put in the effort to make our house sell so my parents can move to the house of their dreams.
5) I want to study and be self-disciplined.
6) Come Fall, I want to be as busy as hell and I believe I will be.
7) I will be working two jobs and I have a pretty hectic schedule and I want straight A's so I will achieve them.
8) I want to start studying for GMAT and GRE, so I can have a strong foundation and be satisfied with my results when the time rolls around.
9) By the end of this summer, I want a gorgeous body for my own sake.
10) I want to be mistress of time-managment. I want to learn the ins and the outs.

A bit of the long-term side:

1) I want to get my MBA and MPH (Masters in Public Health) and move on to either working with a government agency or a pharmaceutical company or some non-profit organization.
2) I want to volunteer my time either in India again regarding the AIDS cause or maybe in terms of improving poverty.
3) I want to move to Australia and enjoy my life a bit.
4) I want to be a powerful businesswoman who realizes what it takes to get to the top position.
5) Eventually, I want to be a CEO of the company whose cause I believe in.

*** I want to be a woman who does what she says, achieves what she believes, and becomes what she claims.***

I do not wish to be one among many. I refuse. I will be at the top. I will take advantage of every opportunity presented to me. I will be self-disciplined and not succumb to the innate desires that most people do.

I don't believe my above goals leave much time for romantic philanderings. Sure, flirtations are fine.

Why the above? Because I have realized I want to date powerful men. Men who know what they want from their life, men who share the passions I do, men who are not afraid to *think*, men who treat you as an equal, men who appreciate the power I hold, men who realize what a real woman is, men who are just men rather than boys getting a heady rush from the simplest things.

But this will require patience. I will work on that as well. In the end, I will revert to being myself. The self independent woman who asserts her opinions and does what she thinks is right rather than be influenced by anything anyone else says.

I know what I am. I know I can have anyone I want. I have always had that ability in the past and I retain it now as well. I know I can, but I should just want him enough. Currently, nobody captures my interest to that extent, so I don't put in the effort. Infact, the men I am surrounded by are just not worth my attention but I endowed it on them anyways. I realized my mistake...now to embark on a journey of self-improvement!

***All the women out there, remember that men come and go but your career makes you the woman you are! Never forget this. We often do. ***

Finally, I have always been told I am a gem, but gems are just semi-precious stones that are rare yet quite abundant. I want to be a diamond, the rarest of them all. I know I will be! :)

The extents I will go for sleep...

I love to sleep...I really really do...I believe it is my utmost priority...
The bottomline is I love to sleep!!!

Infact I wish I was sleeping beauty so I could have a leisurely life before I went to sleep...in which I collected berries and all and I am sure I would get my 16 hour beauty sleep being a beauty and all.
Secondly, I would be put to sleep for a 100 years by the evil witch so that would be very refreshing indeed...sleep for 100 years...wow...I would love that!!!
Then my prince charming would come and rescue me and again I would be back to my leisurely life...which will consist of producing a heir at the most.
After that, I will be free to sleep more...carry on with my other womanly duties...
Wow...my sleep dream coming true...!

I wish and I wish...that it comes true...make it come true...! :*

Am I romantic or not?

Oh yeah, for the past few days...people have been questioning my romanticism and some even went as far as saying that I might be delusional in the my romantic ideas. I wonder...

This made me think...is it acceptable to want a short term fling when you like someone else to a much deeper level but they are not with you?
I don't know. A few months ago, I would have answered either of the two ways depending on my mood:

1) Ofocurse, you should always be looking for something better constantly and if you find something better...GO FOR IT!!!

2) Ofcourse not, if you like someone to such a deep extent, you devotion should be only for that one and only person. You should be willing to accept that commitment and so on.

Today, I will say it is all relative. If you don't have that deep person, then is it fair to deprive yourself of little pleasures around you especially if the other doesn't care a damn and has done the same. But then again, just because he has done the same doesn't mean I need to as well.
Agreed, but sometimes...how often can I be the bigger person. At some point and time, I should be allowed to do just what my mind says or heart wishes rather than being the better person all the time.

Infact, I think I have been the bigger and better person many times in my life...it doesn't really give as much satisfaction as people claim. Often times, it just leaves me frustrated and thinking but I still never impose. I don't like to...that would be a weakness...and why do that...?

Interestingly enough, this is not really coherent but it is okay. You will get the point! :)

Thoughts...

Initially I was thinking I will write something about how men can be so childish sometimes or how they fail to understand the simplest things or how they claim to have no sentiments yet you can feel it in their undertones.

As I was thinking about the above, I realized that most people only think about the negative aspects of the other person when they are angry. It is justifiable but that is what everyone does.
Since everyone does that, I don't want to.

So I decided I will not let my anger or disappointment control my thought process. Yeah, he disappointed me but that doesn't mean I should disregard all the times when he has been so sweet or cared for me or cherished me or made me feel like the best "lady" in the world. When I do this, I start realizing that the sweet things outweigh the negative things by a mile.

Also, we all tend to react very quickly and say many things that we might not mean. I know I do. I am trying to change that and I believe I have been quite successful.

I put myself in the others' shoes and really start thinking about it from his perspective and I realize that he is right in his own way. Then my practicality shines through as well and everything is back in its normal place. BUT there is one problem, when my practicality shines through, only my practicality does and then there is no room left for anything else.
Being a libran, I should probably seek a balance and I do. But then again, ego comes in the way.

WOW...Mr. Ego...I think it runs in my family. Mine is probably bigger than my whole body if it was given tangible space. I let my ego come in my way a lot of the times, but then again...I am quite prideful so I suppose it is okay.

I remember that night...

I remember the night when I felt that electric current...the way he looked...the way he smiled...the intensity in his eyes...
That night was meant to be nothing out of the ordinary yet it left an impact of a lifetime.
I remember his face...his young and sweet face...
If you are a girl, you must know every girl has been subjected to certain looks especially on the streets of India but there is a variety of looks you get ranging from that cheap, vulgarity look to a sentiment that is much deeper than the surface.
My case was from the latter...and I recall everything from that night...
He came in with his family...and I did as well...I was there much before him...but as he walked into the open-air restaurant...his prescence could be felt...
I risked a look at him...and instant electric current rushed up my body as I looked in his eyes...both of us intently staring...
I noticed his shirt clinging to his body...his casual everyday nike track suit bottoms settled perfectly on his body....
I have had many such eye contacts, but this experience was a different one altogether...
The intensity in his eyes...was so deep...and the passion I saw was mesmerizing...
The heat...the spark that I felt when our fingers simply brushed past each other as he came to get an extra chair from our table...
The soft look in his eyes as I peered at him...but then he went back...and my eyes...simply adoring his back...and as he turned around once more...my heart stopped...
I was quite exhilirated.
Maybe we were soulmates... if we were to ever cross paths again...I would not hesitate to simply grab him and not let him go...ever
Because I remember...at the time...I was so tempted to touch his face...touch his lips...just once...simply walk up to him...and ask for his number...

But in the end...we were strangers...mere strangers...

Amidst other glamorous men...

Amidst other glamorous men,

Why are my eyes always searching for you?

What is it about you…?

That draws me to you

Is it the deep look in your eyes…

No, but I know…

It is the beauty that is deep within

The realm of our ambitions…

Stretch far and wide

Yet I hope that

Someday they will coincide

But for the first time

I think from my heart

Rather than my mind

I know caring is hard

But trust me I do…

And everyday and every night

I am lost in eternal

Thoughts of you

What can I do…?

The passion that is ignited

Is just too strong to fight with

I always deny

But I do sense you

In every touch and every feel

Your essence is in hue

You just don’t realize

How much I want you

I know it is strange

And it might be insane

But it doesn’t matter

Cuz love is so damn scarce

And it is an everlasting awareness

But amidst the chaos

It must exist…

I know I am not a poet

But the sentiment instigated

This long awaited poem

These simple words…

Will never be enough

But just remember

I will wait a lifetime

Cuz I know I will never find

Someone as enticing as you

Don’t ever think

That an imposition is on the brink

But just look at me once

I will be by your side in a blink

And in the end…

I promise to make it all about you

And only you…

I always see you...

I always see you

Yet you always miss me

I always call out

But you refuse to acknowledge me

Am I not worthy of one look

I have been waiting for so long

Just give in to me once

Look behind you

I am right here

Lost in my dreams

This is what I want...

I don't know if any of you ever wish this, but I constantly do. In today's world, having a boyfriend or a girlfriend is hardly a rarity and also not a big deal. But how easily these relationships start to use the word "love". For me, love has alwyas epitomized something so passionate, so sensual...something that is different from the other loves we see all around. Maybe everyone thinks that their love reaches the eventual stage that there is. But as an omniscient observer or atleast I like to think that I am, I see the struggles and the materialistic reasons for which people are together usually. For me, that is not good enough. It is just not good enough.
There needs to be someone, who is just perfect...and not perfect in anyone else's eyes but mine.
Someone who doesn't go around calling every girl "hot"...someone who has fallen for you once and is only yours...forever and ever. Someone who realizes your worth to the extent that he worships you. Someone who does not only want you for your body or mind, but the combination that it presents. Someone who realizes that yes, you are an individual and unique and the like of you are a rarity indeed. Someone who realizes that he is the luckiest man in the world to have you whenever he sees you.
Someone who falls in love with your wink, or the way you close your eyes, or the way you smile...or the littlest gesture like the way you wake up.
I don't know if any guy actually does this. I have read about it many times, but I am yet to see a true example.

Most people are so self-abosorbed so how will they appreciate their partner when they hardly have time to appreciate themselves...but I am sure there are exceptions...

An exception who is content in just lying in your arms and reading a romantic novel together...or an exception in which he wants to kiss you the old-fashioned way...when you close your eyes and just have the littlest of touches and nothing else.

Wouldn't this be amazing? I hope I find my exception. So far, I have been disappointed...well maybe because I wasn't looking...and in the end...he will be my exception and I will be his...isn't that what love is all about? The specialty of each...!

Well...I just started

Quite a new experience for me...
Let's see how this little "schpiel" goes as times goes on...
Romance...since there aren't many hopeless romantics left in this world...I will try and give some input what it is like to struggle to find a fellow hopeless romantic....
That is all for now...