I never thought there would be a time when I would say this in my life, but I am forced at this point of my life.
I never thought I would commit mistakes, and regret them later. Actually, I just never thought I would ever be in that mindset where I would come to repent aspects of my life.
Everything had worked out for me always, but maybe the times that did work out was because I had worked hard in those times, and I deserved everything working out, or maybe the surplus of your prior good only takes you that far and it lasted me for 1.5 years after my hard working stopped.
This post stems from the past where I have committed academic and professional mistakes. Academically, I am now facing the repercussions which I never thought would happen! Honestly, I am only 20, and how could I be already facing it?
But I am. Today, my professor who I did research for e-mailed me and said that maybe I was not the best candidate to work for him. That kind of hit home. I was not angered at all, in fact, he wrote it in a very sweet manner, and what he said was that my reliability was lacking and I know it was. It was a shortcoming of mine last semester.
But instantly, I wanted to prove my competency because I know I have it. It is not like this research project is crucial, in fact it is not even related to what I want to do in life. In fact, there are no benefits from it, but the sole reason I want to do it is because I want to prove my ability and make up for my shortcomings last semester. This is not the only thing, I have made some other mistakes which involve the lack of reliability which is NOT ME!
This feeling has not happened for quite a while: doing something because I want to prove something to myself and someone else. In fact, now I don't want to be the girl who does not care and might not go to lecture, but I am the girl who goes to every lecture, tries her BEST for even the most minor things just like I used to 2 years earlier. I want to be the girl who people think is the smartest one, who has all the right answers...who knows the questions before the professor even asks them.
I always thought this perfectionism had left me, but you know what: it was simply dormant for a few years and I don't want this blog to be one of those encouraging writings where you have an epiphany.
It might seem simple, but I never admit that I make mistakes. But today, I want to admit that I made MISTAKES and I do regret them, but I will not make them any longer. Not now, not ever.
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6 comments:
I think you have decided to work hard and that in itself is a great thing. Now dont loose your self confidence . Maybe reading this helps you.
by harivansh rai bacchan , one of my favourites.
Lahron se darkar nauka kabhi paar nahi hoti
koshish karne walon ki kabhi haar nahi hoti
nanhi chinti jab dana lekar chalti hai,
chadhti deewaron par sau baar fisalti hai,
manka vishwas ragon me sahas bharta hai,
chadhkar girna, girkar chadhna na akharta hai,
mehnat uski bekar har baar nahi hoti,
mehnat karne walo ki kabhi haar nahi hoti,
dubkiyan sindhu me gotakhor lagata hai,
ja ja kar khali haath laut kar ata hai,
mile na sehaj moti gehare pani me,
badhta duuna vishwas is hairani me,
muthi uski khaali har baar nahi hoti,
koshish karne walon ki kabhi haar nahi hoti,
asaflta ek chunauti hai, sweekar karo,
kya kami reh gayi, dekho aur sudhar karo,
jab tak safal na ho chain ki neend ka tyago tum,
sangharsh ka maidan mat chod kar bhago tum,
kuch kiye bina jai jai kaar nahi hoti,
koshish karne walon ki kabhi haar nahi hoti
This first struck me as a low sounding post, a disposition I would never attach with you , but then few moments later I realized "no its exactly the opposite", a confident and exuberant post - exactly the kind expected from you. Still I don't want to be assuming here, I just hope this post is not written in any low-mood or something, but anyways who comes out lashing at the shortcomings so openly - not the weak and low-confident. I think I know! It seem like you are ready to commit yourself to good and constructive changes. It seems. And why are you devaluing the ferocity of the post by referring yourself again and again by "girl". You could very well do better then even most of the guys. Come on, you know that.
I do not see the point bothering yourself about this project you were labeled as unreliable in. If it is not crucial in anyway, why bother thinking about it when you can apply your energy to so many other important tasks which will give you the real satisfaction and confidence.
Well, good luck!
u know yaar...the first thing that striked me...that it looked so much like one of my outpourings into diary, when I was ur age...I cud see the same keenness...the spirit of not taking things lying down, of proving oneself everytime...basically a seriousness towards the serious aspects of life and yet there is also that other tendency to muse, to do things that one enjoys and enjoy them with a rare passion...so u wud have spent ur time reading romantic books, chatting, flirting and getting carried away there and thus not investing time in studies....but then as soon as you were provoked (like by ur professor's email) that engendering of dissatisfaction within, that firm conviction to prove oneself...that I am the best....Goodness, if I have been right in what I wrote till here, I guess I have an eerie understanding of u!
I just have one point to share...at a young age of urs every opportunity is a potential one to prove urself...u dont wanna be seen low or behind in anything...but as you grow older especially in professional life, you know u r good at some things but not in all and gradually u gravitate to excelling in them, while even if u find urself behind others in other areas that is fine...I am sure u will too develop in that fashion...u too will discover what it is u r really good at...wish u the very best! :)
Well..feels like you are taking it too harsh on yourself! By the way your first sentence that says that you never thought you would commit any mistakes...was a bit unrealistic of you, all of us commit mistakes.From some of them we learn lessons, and some of them we ignore and recommit. The idea is to not recommit but learn, thats what you will understand in the coming years. And PLEASE don't take the comments or the abandonment from your professor PERSONALLY, its something completely professional on his part.This happens a lot, believe me!! there is no need to lose heart.Another way will sure open up for you, and who knows this happens for the better, may be some better opportunity is waiting for you.
And by the way its just the start of your professional life, you are very young(just 20!) , don't feel so low for yourself, nothing is lost, its just the beginning jitters of a long battle :). the world is not alien enchantress! its just a mean place, made by us only! ;)
Cheers!
Don't regret making mistakes as they make you wise
Go ahead and plan for some more :)
but don't repeat the same mistake :)
There are no mistakes . There is experience . A perception to an experience in correlation with your preconceived learning about the outcome makes it good/bad.
Try to magnify the perception in which it doesn't look like a mistake and try to mature the learning and you might feel blessed or just casual about it.
If not able to - wait for some time and have faith that it will just gradually fade from bad to good. Tried and tested -
Thanks for sharing the experience ,it made me think on the above note - which otherwise I wouldn't have thought about. See your experience can indirectly inspire and help others -if you can feel good about that ,you are then subconsciously disassociating the bad emotion associated with the experience.
Hope it helps.
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